okay so apparently i have it and anxiety too. i've been on meds for a few weeks now. idk if there's been any change but I've missed a couple and right now i feel like shit.

I FEEL GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY. for having depression. people always tell me 'lighten up', 'cheer up, Daria'....i bet if people know i have depression they'll be all like 'what a cop out'.

Hah, that's what my last "talking-doctor" said to me. that fucking arsehole.

i really hope i can get better eventually. it sucks arse feeling like i just want to kick things or scratch myself or headdesk. gaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

it's good that i'm getting treated. but i still have a fair way to go.

the bad thing is that the rage and angst and depression and general emo-ness is what keeps the inspiration coming. it makes me want to do a picture or write a song. ohhh but when it's there it makes me want to do self-destructive things....ugh

um

recently when on the meds properly i just felt kind of....even? I don't know. Like not particularly up and not particularly down. so strange.

it's like...my emo....is like a personal very-isolated-shower...?
it hangs around and it won't go away.
but when it finally does.....i miss it.
but then it comes back and i hate it more than ever.

what the fuck.